Embracing The Things We Hate About Ourselves

by Death of Self

supported by
/
1.
04:42
2.
04:44
3.
04:03
4.
04:46
5.
04:17
6.
03:49
7.
04:29
8.
04:27
9.
10.
(free) 03:40
11.
03:59

about

death of Self's debut full length cd release "embracing the things we hate about ourselves" is livid industrial that combines compulsive beats with a gritty self-polluted style, as distorted and disdainful in sound as it is in context.

this album explores the sociopathic tendencies within, the absurd struggle to find some sense of happiness or at least acceptance of one's self; that digging, destructive turmoil of inner evaluation. in essence the desire to have a realization that reveals the truth for what it is, in all its horror. the dark corners and twisted workings of the mind are exposed within the tortured synth lines, destroyed drums, thick atmospheres, flowing strings, and aggressive and intelligent lyrics.

conceived in 2006, the goal of chicago's death of self was to create an unaltered, clear perspective of the world through its sound, exposing the darkness within and unmasking the blinders. after two limited release experiments, an ep and an extended ep with remixes by assemblage 23 and noisuf-X, death of self caught the attention of canadian industrial label bugs crawling out of people, who signed them and slotted them for their first release of 2012.

credits

released May 17, 2012

programming, arranging, lyrics, vocals, and mixing by Death of Self [www.death0fself.com], except as noted

lyrics and vocals for “more interactions with people” by it-clings [www.it-clings.com]

mastered by X-FUSION MUSIC PRODUCTION [www.x-m-p.de]

artwork by Zmiya Mochoruk [zmiyasin@gmail.com / www.facebook.com/zmiya]

layout and design by Adam Jury [www.adamjury.com]

bugs crawling out of people - 2012 [www.bugscrawlingoutofpeople.com]

bcp logo by Barb

tags

license

about

bugs crawling out of people Halifax, Nova Scotia

With a wide range of music, Canadian Industrial label doesn't follow any trends or style. The point is to release high quality music that goes beyond. From dark ambient, to brutal noise, from EBM to breakcore. Bugs Crawling out of People sees no limit.

contact / help

Contact bugs crawling out of people

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: No Control
(what is happening to me? oh I think you know)

begging freedom, to be let loose
burning inside, I want to feel

(what is happening to me?)

bring me closer, I want to be
free from this place
focus my mind, open my eyes
speak the truth, you are the one with the answer

it builds inside, I can barely breath
inside my mind, I can barely see
feeding upon the rage that builds

it builds inside, inside my mind

(what is happening to me?)

emerging from the darkness
clawing from the inside
it whispers in my ear
and tells me
what I must do
and who I must become
to find my way
to find the answer

emerging from the darkness
clawing from the inside
it whispers in my ear
and tells me
what I must do
and who I must become
to find my way
to find the answer

clawing from the inside
it whispers in my ear
and tells me
to find the answer
Track Name: Solitude
(you can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer, cause too many others know what's happening out there... and no one has jurisdiction over the truth)

the answer within
buried inside
let the blood

(and no one has jurisdiction over the truth)

drive me insane
break, burn, destroy
create, build, manufacture

(you can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer, cause too many others know what's happening out there)

in pain there is truth
in death there is life
buried inside
let the blood
drive me insane
break, burn, destroy
break, burn, destroy
break, burn, destroy
Track Name: The Machine
(I've been here a very, very long time and they'll never let me go, they won't let you go either, I mean, they tell you they'll let you go but in fact you stay, you never go from here)

(you never go from here, you never go from here)

(the bad machines don't know they're bad machines, but the people at the factory know, they know that you are one of the machines that does't work)

(the bad machine does't know hes a bad machine, still don't believe it do you? still don't believe you're a bad machine? to know yourself is to know god, my friend, the factory knows, that's why they put you here, you'll see, you'll find out, in time you'll know)

(oh I know, I already know, I know that you are a bad machine, that's why the factory keeps you here, you know how I know? huh? I know because I'm from the factory, I make the machines)

(I make the machines)

your mind is broken
your sight has been warped
misguided intentions
your thoughts are corrupt
you have become obsolete
wasted flesh and energy
you are the cancer, I am the cure

(I make the machines, I make the machines)

I must progress, you must die
I must progress, you must die
I must progress, you must die
I must progress, you must die
Track Name: Empty
(why did you do it? to feel something different, different than what? what do you normally feel? nothing, fucking nothing at all, I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, I can't stand it, living my life in my head)

(I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty)

empty inside
I have become
cold and callus
living alone in my head
devoid of feeling
devoid of life
am I still human?
am I still alive?

(I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, I can't stand it, living my life in my head, I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, what do you normally feel?)

empty inside
I have become
cold and callus
left with only my thoughts
ringing in my head
slowly driving me mad
please just tell me
what have I become?

what have I become?

have I become something more?
or have I become less?
have I become something more?
or have I become less?

(I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty)

have I become something more?
or have I become less?
have I become something more?
or have I become less?
have I become something more?
or have I become less?

(why did you do it? to feel something different, different than what? I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty)
Track Name: Now You Know
(I tried to look after you, to give you the clues, to make you see this was not where you belonged, unlike the others I gave you the chance to leave, but you wanted to know the answer to the million dollar question, do you know it now? you're here, welcome to my design, welcome to the inside of my mind)

(welcome to my design, welcome to the inside of my mind)

you were warned
but you did not listen
now you're here
now you've looked into my eyes
do you like what you see?
is this not what you came for?

what did you expect to find?
what did you hope to gain?

some deeper meaning?
some sacred truth?
well here it is
all for you

welcome to the inside of my mind
welcome to my design
welcome to the inside of my mind
welcome to my design
welcome to the inside of my mind
welcome to my design
Track Name: Meaningless
(I'm wondering why anyone cares what my thoughts are, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific that what I think matters, all I wanted was for someone to pay attention, and now that you finally are, I see that my life, then or now, isn't worth a shit)

(I see that my life, then or now, isn't worth a shit)

(all I wanted was for someone to pay attention)

(I'm wondering why anyone cares what my thoughts are, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific that what I think matters, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific)

(all I wanted was for someone to pay attention)
Track Name: Broken Glass
(you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness)

broken glass
holding on
slipping away
all I have left

broken glass
holding on
slipping away
all I have left

broken glass

(you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness)

happiness?
happiness?

happiness?
happiness?

(you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness)

(happiness)

(you gotta handle it so careful)

happiness?
happiness?

happiness?
happiness?
Track Name: The Edge
(I'm so tired, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of the walls, the lies, the fear)

(the fear)

(I'm so tired)

pushed to the edge
stare into oblivion
in the blink of an eye it seems
how did it get this far?

breathing down my neck
reaching for my soul
I feel the cold embrace of failure
how did it get this far?

how did it get this far?

what did I gain?
was it all for nothing?
it was not supposed to be like this
gasping for air
reaching for the answer
each step becomes more terrifying

(I'm so tired, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of the walls, the lies, the fear)

pushed to the edge
stare into oblivion
in the blink of an eye it seems
how did it get this far?

breathing down my neck
reaching for my soul
I feel the cold embrace of failure
how did it get this far?

how did it get this far?
Track Name: More Interactions With People
I've grown to develop a bit of a fear, a phobia of interacting with others because I don't want to have to respond to their tripe greetings and questions. "how are you today?" a woman at the grocery store asks me and I say "terrible" and she says "that's good" because she doesn't hear me, she doesn't even care to listen. She punches in my roma tomatoes as on the vine tomatoes and I don't say anything because I just can't interact with her anymore. "and how are you today?" says another woman at the grocery store on a different day and I say that I'm not comfortable answering that question and she laughs because she thinks I'm joking. I'm at last attempting to step out and reveal the truth and it doesn't matter. "Have a nice day" "have a good day" "have a good one" I hear again and again and I often say 'no' because my days don't go well, they aren't just fine, there's nothing ok about them. Yes, they're tedious and repetitious and a burden and a pain and I go through it with just enough suffering to make it pointless to complain. It's bad but I've grown used to it. This isn't good, this isn't ok. I've accepted it and that's all. Fuck. I don't even want a good day anymore, I'll take a good day when I have some reason for the day to be good but most of my days are just drudgery, just passing, and I'm delaying, and working and trying to get past the day, trying to get to some sort of future where there will be good days, or at least where I'll want the days to be good, but you know what? I don't even know what a good day would represent. I think this is just another lie I've got to put aside. This is another lie I've got to overcome. But one thing I do know for certain is that I don't want these people to influence how my day goes, these people aren't part of my day, they are additions, true enough, but they are additions tacked onto my day through necessity and against my will, they are blotches to my day, they are irritants and they would make my day better, not good, but better if they weren't a part of it. But they are, and they are more weight dragging me down. "and how are you today?" a man at the grocery store asks someone else ahead of me and they say they are "ok" and the man says that that's "good", and I think that it's not good, if anything that's ok, just like the person responded, don't upgrade every remark to suit your pointless standard, but no one cares about this, and if I attempt to explain that to them, they think I'm just being difficult, I'm now the blotch, the irritant, and they're just trying to get through their day the only way they can, which is to ignore it and then I sense that sickening feeling in me as I move up in line and realize that I'm going to be asked the same question all over again. I hate interacting with others. I'm terrible, but you know what, I'm fine with being terrible and maybe I'm not even as terrible as I want to be, maybe I'm not as terrible as I deserve to be. I'm terrible and I want to be worse.
Track Name: Stories
(so, this is the story you made up about who you are? it's a nice one, too bad it isn't true)

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside

(so, this is the story you made up about who you are? it's a nice one, too bad it isn't true)

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside

wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true?
but I don't wanna end up like you
lying to myself, denying who I am
running from what's inside
Track Name: Realizations
(so, what have we learned?)

through all of this I have come to realize
nothing is ever black and white
but I must follow this path
laid before me
I must do what I feel
is right

through all of this I have come to realize
nothing is ever black and white
but I must follow this path
laid before me
I must do what I feel
is right

(so, what have we learned?)

never mind morality
never mind right or wrong
never mind conscience
never mind insecurity

never mind morality
never mind right or wrong
never mind conscience
never mind insecurity

(so, what have we learned? what's the lesson for today? that morality is transient? That virtue can not exist without violence? that to be honest is to be flawed? that the giving and taking of love both debases and elevates us? the story is simple, a man lives and dies, how he dies, that's easy, the who and the why is the complex part, the human part, the only part worth knowing)