Embracing The Things We Hate About Ourselves

by Death of Self

supported by
Steven Gullotta
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Steven Gullotta This album is just so dark and tantalizing; it's a harsh look at humanity and everything wrong with the psychology of the individual. Everything from the comical "More Interactions With People" featuring It-Clings to Broken Glass was done well. "Realizations" took the cake for me, as it is one of the most hard hitting tracks I've heard in a while. Full review here: brutalresonance.com/review/death-of-self-embracing-the-things-we-hate-about-ourselves/ Favorite track: More Interactions With People.
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1.
No Control 04:42
(what is happening to me? oh I think you know) begging freedom, to be let loose burning inside, I want to feel (what is happening to me?) bring me closer, I want to be free from this place focus my mind, open my eyes speak the truth, you are the one with the answer it builds inside, I can barely breath inside my mind, I can barely see feeding upon the rage that builds it builds inside, inside my mind (what is happening to me?) emerging from the darkness clawing from the inside it whispers in my ear and tells me what I must do and who I must become to find my way to find the answer emerging from the darkness clawing from the inside it whispers in my ear and tells me what I must do and who I must become to find my way to find the answer clawing from the inside it whispers in my ear and tells me to find the answer
2.
Solitude 04:44
(you can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer, cause too many others know what's happening out there... and no one has jurisdiction over the truth) the answer within buried inside let the blood (and no one has jurisdiction over the truth) drive me insane break, burn, destroy create, build, manufacture (you can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer, cause too many others know what's happening out there) in pain there is truth in death there is life buried inside let the blood drive me insane break, burn, destroy break, burn, destroy break, burn, destroy
3.
The Machine 04:03
(I've been here a very, very long time and they'll never let me go, they won't let you go either, I mean, they tell you they'll let you go but in fact you stay, you never go from here) (you never go from here, you never go from here) (the bad machines don't know they're bad machines, but the people at the factory know, they know that you are one of the machines that does't work) (the bad machine does't know hes a bad machine, still don't believe it do you? still don't believe you're a bad machine? to know yourself is to know god, my friend, the factory knows, that's why they put you here, you'll see, you'll find out, in time you'll know) (oh I know, I already know, I know that you are a bad machine, that's why the factory keeps you here, you know how I know? huh? I know because I'm from the factory, I make the machines) (I make the machines) your mind is broken your sight has been warped misguided intentions your thoughts are corrupt you have become obsolete wasted flesh and energy you are the cancer, I am the cure (I make the machines, I make the machines) I must progress, you must die I must progress, you must die I must progress, you must die I must progress, you must die
4.
Empty 04:46
(why did you do it? to feel something different, different than what? what do you normally feel? nothing, fucking nothing at all, I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, I can't stand it, living my life in my head) (I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty) empty inside I have become cold and callus living alone in my head devoid of feeling devoid of life am I still human? am I still alive? (I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, I can't stand it, living my life in my head, I hate every fucking god dammed second of it, what do you normally feel?) empty inside I have become cold and callus left with only my thoughts ringing in my head slowly driving me mad please just tell me what have I become? what have I become? have I become something more? or have I become less? have I become something more? or have I become less? (I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty) have I become something more? or have I become less? have I become something more? or have I become less? have I become something more? or have I become less? (why did you do it? to feel something different, different than what? I'm a lot like you, you know? I'm empty)
5.
Now You Know 04:17
(I tried to look after you, to give you the clues, to make you see this was not where you belonged, unlike the others I gave you the chance to leave, but you wanted to know the answer to the million dollar question, do you know it now? you're here, welcome to my design, welcome to the inside of my mind) (welcome to my design, welcome to the inside of my mind) you were warned but you did not listen now you're here now you've looked into my eyes do you like what you see? is this not what you came for? what did you expect to find? what did you hope to gain? some deeper meaning? some sacred truth? well here it is all for you welcome to the inside of my mind welcome to my design welcome to the inside of my mind welcome to my design welcome to the inside of my mind welcome to my design
6.
Meaningless 03:49
(I'm wondering why anyone cares what my thoughts are, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific that what I think matters, all I wanted was for someone to pay attention, and now that you finally are, I see that my life, then or now, isn't worth a shit) (I see that my life, then or now, isn't worth a shit) (all I wanted was for someone to pay attention) (I'm wondering why anyone cares what my thoughts are, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific that what I think matters, sure as hell didn't care when my husband was drunk and beat me, or when my father in law raped me, no it wasn't until I killed my daughter, till I did something horrific) (all I wanted was for someone to pay attention)
7.
Broken Glass 04:29
(you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness) broken glass holding on slipping away all I have left broken glass holding on slipping away all I have left broken glass (you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness) happiness? happiness? happiness? happiness? (you gotta handle it so careful, you know? you gotta treat it like a piece of fine glass, it's that fragile, who is? happiness) (happiness) (you gotta handle it so careful) happiness? happiness? happiness? happiness?
8.
The Edge 04:27
(I'm so tired, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of the walls, the lies, the fear) (the fear) (I'm so tired) pushed to the edge stare into oblivion in the blink of an eye it seems how did it get this far? breathing down my neck reaching for my soul I feel the cold embrace of failure how did it get this far? how did it get this far? what did I gain? was it all for nothing? it was not supposed to be like this gasping for air reaching for the answer each step becomes more terrifying (I'm so tired, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of the walls, the lies, the fear) pushed to the edge stare into oblivion in the blink of an eye it seems how did it get this far? breathing down my neck reaching for my soul I feel the cold embrace of failure how did it get this far? how did it get this far?
9.
I've grown to develop a bit of a fear, a phobia of interacting with others because I don't want to have to respond to their tripe greetings and questions. "how are you today?" a woman at the grocery store asks me and I say "terrible" and she says "that's good" because she doesn't hear me, she doesn't even care to listen. She punches in my roma tomatoes as on the vine tomatoes and I don't say anything because I just can't interact with her anymore. "and how are you today?" says another woman at the grocery store on a different day and I say that I'm not comfortable answering that question and she laughs because she thinks I'm joking. I'm at last attempting to step out and reveal the truth and it doesn't matter. "Have a nice day" "have a good day" "have a good one" I hear again and again and I often say 'no' because my days don't go well, they aren't just fine, there's nothing ok about them. Yes, they're tedious and repetitious and a burden and a pain and I go through it with just enough suffering to make it pointless to complain. It's bad but I've grown used to it. This isn't good, this isn't ok. I've accepted it and that's all. Fuck. I don't even want a good day anymore, I'll take a good day when I have some reason for the day to be good but most of my days are just drudgery, just passing, and I'm delaying, and working and trying to get past the day, trying to get to some sort of future where there will be good days, or at least where I'll want the days to be good, but you know what? I don't even know what a good day would represent. I think this is just another lie I've got to put aside. This is another lie I've got to overcome. But one thing I do know for certain is that I don't want these people to influence how my day goes, these people aren't part of my day, they are additions, true enough, but they are additions tacked onto my day through necessity and against my will, they are blotches to my day, they are irritants and they would make my day better, not good, but better if they weren't a part of it. But they are, and they are more weight dragging me down. "and how are you today?" a man at the grocery store asks someone else ahead of me and they say they are "ok" and the man says that that's "good", and I think that it's not good, if anything that's ok, just like the person responded, don't upgrade every remark to suit your pointless standard, but no one cares about this, and if I attempt to explain that to them, they think I'm just being difficult, I'm now the blotch, the irritant, and they're just trying to get through their day the only way they can, which is to ignore it and then I sense that sickening feeling in me as I move up in line and realize that I'm going to be asked the same question all over again. I hate interacting with others. I'm terrible, but you know what, I'm fine with being terrible and maybe I'm not even as terrible as I want to be, maybe I'm not as terrible as I deserve to be. I'm terrible and I want to be worse.
10.
Stories 03:40
(so, this is the story you made up about who you are? it's a nice one, too bad it isn't true) wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside (so, this is the story you made up about who you are? it's a nice one, too bad it isn't true) wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside wouldn't it be nice if none of this was true? but I don't wanna end up like you lying to myself, denying who I am running from what's inside
11.
Realizations 03:59
(so, what have we learned?) through all of this I have come to realize nothing is ever black and white but I must follow this path laid before me I must do what I feel is right through all of this I have come to realize nothing is ever black and white but I must follow this path laid before me I must do what I feel is right (so, what have we learned?) never mind morality never mind right or wrong never mind conscience never mind insecurity never mind morality never mind right or wrong never mind conscience never mind insecurity (so, what have we learned? what's the lesson for today? that morality is transient? That virtue can not exist without violence? that to be honest is to be flawed? that the giving and taking of love both debases and elevates us? the story is simple, a man lives and dies, how he dies, that's easy, the who and the why is the complex part, the human part, the only part worth knowing)

about

death of Self's debut full length cd release "embracing the things we hate about ourselves" is livid industrial that combines compulsive beats with a gritty self-polluted style, as distorted and disdainful in sound as it is in context.

this album explores the sociopathic tendencies within, the absurd struggle to find some sense of happiness or at least acceptance of one's self; that digging, destructive turmoil of inner evaluation. in essence the desire to have a realization that reveals the truth for what it is, in all its horror. the dark corners and twisted workings of the mind are exposed within the tortured synth lines, destroyed drums, thick atmospheres, flowing strings, and aggressive and intelligent lyrics.

conceived in 2006, the goal of chicago's death of self was to create an unaltered, clear perspective of the world through its sound, exposing the darkness within and unmasking the blinders. after two limited release experiments, an ep and an extended ep with remixes by assemblage 23 and noisuf-X, death of self caught the attention of canadian industrial label bugs crawling out of people, who signed them and slotted them for their first release of 2012.

credits

released May 17, 2012

programming, arranging, lyrics, vocals, and mixing by Death of Self [www.death0fself.com], except as noted

lyrics and vocals for “more interactions with people” by it-clings [www.it-clings.com]

mastered by X-FUSION MUSIC PRODUCTION [www.x-m-p.de]

artwork by Zmiya Mochoruk [zmiyasin@gmail.com / www.facebook.com/zmiya]

layout and design by Adam Jury [www.adamjury.com]

bugs crawling out of people - 2012 [www.bugscrawlingoutofpeople.com]

bcp logo by Barb

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bugs crawling out of people Toronto, Ontario

With a wide range of music, Canadian Industrial label doesn't follow any trends or style. The point is to release high quality music that goes beyond. From dark ambient, to brutal noise, from EBM to breakcore. Bugs Crawling out of People sees no limit.

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